There's A Family Residing In Your Armpits

There's a family residing in your armpits.

They're smelly and rude and they give you the fits.

Their diets are grainy and hominy grits.

They're the family residing in your armpits.

 

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

If you look you can see where the ugly one sits.

On the other side mama sits quietly and knits.

The family residing in your armpits.

 

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

It's made up of juvenile delinquents and chits.

The old ones are crazy, the young ones are twits.

They're the family residing in your armpits.

 

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

Their raucous goes on and on and never quits.

And all of their teens are covered with zits.

It's the family residing in your armpits.

 

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

One boy wears pajamas. A little girl spits.

Some spry ones are often taught to do the splits.

In the family residing in your armpits.

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

The dramatic and talented ones put on skits.

While mama's still knitting and turning out mitts.

For the family residing in your armpits.

 

There's a family residing in your armpits.

Some counter with creams and some counter with spritz.

It wipes out the odor and blasts them to bits.

So, there's no more residing in your armpits.

 

 

The Family of Cooties That Lives In Your Hair

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

Their color is light, like a peach or a pear.

Their tint can be different, they're dark or they're fair.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

 

 

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

They're dad is a bum and he sits in the square.

They're  mom is depressed and she sobs with despair.

They're the family of cooties that live in your hair.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

The young ones are selfish and don't like to share.

The teens go to parties and rides at the fair.

They're the family of cooties that live in your hair.

 

 

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

The grandma gets moody and goes on a tear.

The grandpa is furry and big as a bear.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

Sometimes they have problems and need some repair.

Sometimes they have beauty that none can compare.

They're the family of cooties that lives in your hair.

 

 

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

The smart go to college and drive a corvair.

The dumb stay in middle school blowing hot air.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

If the tough ones get angry you'd better beware.

But the wimpies are lazy and simply don't care.

They're a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

 

 

There's a family of cooties that lives in your hair.

When you brush your hair soundly you'll find they're not there.

If you wash with strong soap I can promise and swear

There'll be no more live cooties that live in your hair.

The Bothersome Family That Lives In Your Ears

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
They itch and they tickle and prey on your fears.
They bother and chatter and drive you to tears.
The bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
They build great big dams of wax, and it appears
They always have pizza for every New Year's.
That bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
They drink lots of soda and frothy root beers.
The pitch of their singing will bring you to tears.
They're the bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
They have lots of siblings and odious peers.
Their radio blasting has gone on for years.
They're a bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
There's a tall one who drives and a short one who steers.
There's thin ones up front and there's fat in the rears.
It's the bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
They live off the cuff and have lofty careers.
They're known to play games and respond with loud cheers.
The bothersome family that lives in your ears.

There's a bothersome family that lives in your ears.
Their numbers are fading and will soon disappear.
They will long be remembered and their extinction nears,
As the bothersome family that lived in your ears.

Teamwork

When I come before Jesus each morning to pray,
I ask Him to "make me a blessing" today.
He says He will do it and always be there,
But, He's always expecting that I do my share.

Crankiness

I  thought she was cranky, but found out instead
that the glasses she wore were too tight on her head.
I thought her cantankerous, but then I  found out
that she lived in confusion and crippling self-doubt.
I thought she was moody and viscious and cruel,

when actually someone put a tack on her stool.
There's always a reason for having the blues.
I thought she was cranky but found out it's her shoes.

A Lament for My Son

Oh for the hours of time spent with you,

When our laughter rang out, and the moments were gay.
The memories of music and singing sweet tunes
Of popular ditties, top songs of the day.
I remember a favorite you sang on the stairs
Of Saturdays spent in the park with your friends.
I thrill to the thoughts of our days at a lake.
Reminiscing, my memory goes on without end.
The shine of the colors of rust in your hair
Remind me of textures and touches I knew
When I could run fingers of love through your locks,
And the beauty of it all comes back anew.
There were four of us then. My children and me.
And we knew we were one with each other at a time 
When the world all around us was foreign and far.
We each needed love and we loved so sublime.
Your brother was friend, your companion throughout.
And your bond was invaded by anger and pain.
Your sister was friend, a companion it’s true,
And she loved you with patience, and that patience remained.
Did we never reveal the deep love in our beings
That caused us to love you through years of rebuffs?
Did you never see how much we longed for your peace?
Was the unending devotion to you not enough?
You demanded your space. You received what you asked.
You wanted independence, yet your heart was deceived.
You thought you needed no one, yet you failed to see
That we needed you, and our hearts were so grieved.
But now we discover your heartache was founded
On paternal love that you never could have.
Your heart longs for family that always eluded you.
The four of us wasn’t enough of a salve.
How I long for your happiness! How I long for your peace!
How I pray for your life to go by better spent
Living fully, constructively, and for only the Creator,
Realizing His love, living calm and content!
Oh, the memories flood through my mind, and I weep
For the wonderful days you grew up in my arms.
As a baby I rocked you and sang lullabies soft and sweet.
I was captured by a red-headed boy and his charms.
In the autumn of my years I regret love unspoken,
But trying to rescue a man, I regret even more.
A man that didn’t learn to stand firmly alone,
Unable to rise above life’s malignant sore.
So I pray to a Father that loves you beyond
Any love that a mother could ever achieve.
And I trust Him to draw you fast into His arms.
This I must depend on, on this I must believe.

for Jill's 40th birthday card:

If I had a million wishes I would make them all for you.
And then I’d ask the Father to make them all come true.
I pray that on your special day, and all the others too,
The love you show to others will all come back to you.

Georgia's Best

When in Georgia the ultimate dream
Can be respite from summer's hot steam.
But the best Georgia Belle
Relieves hot steam so well.
It's a large bowl of peaches and cream.

The Family That Lives Between Your Toes

There's a family that lives between your toes.
The origin of them nobody knows.
They go around wearing the funniest clothes.
The family that lives between your toes.

                                                                                

There's a family that lives between your toes.
They always move in right under your nose.
The age of the children is hard to suppose
Of the family that lives between your toes.

There's a family that lives between your toes.
They live on green popcorn and watch fungus shows.
They have a strange relative that comes and goes
From the family that lives between your toes.

There's a family that lives between your toes,
And when you get married, so the story goes,
Your loved one is expected to also propose
To the family that lives between your toes.

There's a family that lives between your toes.
They write silly poetry and funny prose.
You can hear them scream when you run through the hose.
The family that lives between your toes.

There's a family that lives between your toes.
And when you are dead and your body arose,
The life of this family comes to a close.
The family that lived between your toes.

MOW THAT LAWN!

It’s time for you to mow the lawn,
The dogs are getting lost.
You’ve got to go and buy the gas,
No matter what the cost.
I know the price of oil is high,
But, really, understand.
The neighbors think that we have moved
And want to buy the land.
You’ve got to mow the lawn today.
I know. It’s really hot!
But the guy next door thought he saw a deer,
And the greyhound almost got shot.
The station on the corner has
The cheapest gas, by far.
You can fill the can with gasoline
When you fill up the car.
The cats are crouching in the weeds
And they’re jumping out at us.
If you will mow the lawn right now
There will be no more fuss.
The pups are afraid to go out at night,
Afraid to go through the door.
Next thing you know it won’t be grass.
You’ll be mopping up the floor.
Come on, now, please go get it done.
Just get yourself in gear!
What? You have an ear infection,
And you really didn’t hear?
OK. Then you take the baby,
And you can clean up his mess.
When I’m done mowing then I’ll go out
And buy that lovely dress.
What’s that you say? You’re feeling fine?
My pleading now you hear?
Yes, I do believe in miracles.
Now, go mow the lawn, my Dear!

Valentine Preference

some people think roses are dandy.
some people want roses AND candy.
some people think these are the winner,
but i'd rather be taken to dinner.

save your money and buy me some food.
cause to not have to cook suits my mood.
don't cruise for flowers making you frantic.
McDonald's is my idea of romantic.