No Spring Chicken

I've gotten so old I can hardly walk.

I forget what I'm saying when I'm trying to talk.

I cannot leave home without taking my cane,

But they just can't find anything to jump start my brain.

My aching back would cause Hercules to weep.

It wakes me at night when I'm trying to sleep.

I have corns and bunions that are hard to remove.

They're quite bothersome when I get in my groove.

 

I have old age spots, cataracts, and weak knees.

I no longer tackle the stairsteps with ease.

I have twenty doctors for all of my ills.

And I'm sure that I rattle from all of my pills.

You'll have to speak up for it's now hard to hear.

Can't have sex anymore without stripping a gear.

My hands started shaking, the treadmill is sold

Cause it's tough falling off now that I am so old.

Happy Birthday to me! Senior citizen for hire!
Can't have birthday cake without starting a fire.
I'm begging for sympathy as I'm approaching the mold

Of a gaffer and codger now that I am so old.